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Let Me Spread My Wings and Allow the Winds of Change to Carry Me


woman hanging out window of car driving down highway

I had a home once — for almost four decades

Then “home” didn’t feel like home anymore. Nothing to do but walk away and build my life back up someplace else.

I moved into a rental that had a sweet, peaceful vibe. It enveloped all who walked through my front door.

Children and grandchildren lived close by, so there were constant sleepovers at Nanny’s house. My sisterhood would hang with me for a weekend of rip-roaring laughter and shenanigans.

We called my new home the ‘Love Shack’.

For two years, I was happy being single.

I let a man back into my life

It is my nature to love. So, in the name of love, I redirected the attention invested in pursing my dreams and staying connected with my family and friends and channelled it into this new man in my life.

I allowed myself to be lured away from the stability and love I’d woven into my life — to chase someone else’s dreams.

I slowly downsized. What I didn’t sell, I put in storage. Then together, we hit the road. Over the next twelve months, we never settled anywhere for long.

I fell in love with freedom and adventure

To leave my home town behind after living there for thirty-something years felt like long-sought freedom.

Since my partner didn’t have a home — he was heading up to Australia’s New South Wales High Country to get busy building one — we lived rough. That included living out of caravans on site. I took on housesitting gigs for some creature comforts.

Then, a month ago, not long after we celebrated twelve months together, and after I’d said goodbye to my kids (for the second time!) to hit the road with him again, my partner abruptly ended our relationship. It didn’t suit him to be committed to me anymore.

And there it was!

I’d allowed — yet again — a man to so captivate me that my focus on him became all-consuming, leaving little if any thought or care for me.

It wasn’t new territory.

No fool like an old fool!

In the weeks that followed, I curled in on myself and wept. Some days I’d find my courage. Some days not. I so missed having my daughters and friends close by for a much-needed hug.

My sisterhood — miles away — made sure I was ok.

Who knows where life is taking me? And that should terrify me since I’m not a young woman anymore. But I can’t shake this feeling that now is the time to let the winds of change carry me.

After all, running home won’t do me any good because there is no home to run back to!

Being vulnerable isn’t the worst thing

It took some healing to get to the point where I understood I had this rare opportunity to design a new life in a new town of my choosing. Some would see it as a ‘gift’.

I know I can’t go back to who I was. I’m forever changed by the life experiences that brought me here. So why not keep evolving?

Maybe, just maybe, in the serendipity of my existence, my relationship lasted long enough to pull me out of the ‘old’ life to deliver me here. And here is where I launch the next chapter of my ever-unfolding, never-dull life!

birubi beach, new south wales, australia
Where the Dunes Meet the Ocean – My Daily Walking Meditation

Miracles do happen

I put an ad on Flatmates.com.au. Then, wouldn’t you know it, Sharon reached out to ask if I’d like to consider house-sharing with her.

We hit it off immediately.

Sharon, at age 53, enjoys an idyllic lifestyle living in a townhouse within walking distance of Birubi Beach, Port Stephens, New South Wales.  Birubi Beach is found on the Northern end of the Stockton Sand Dunes, the enormous moving dunes in the Southern Hemisphere.

Sharon invited me to make her home my home for a spell.  And just like that, the next chapter of my life beckons.

Got me thinking, might it be true that our life is whatever we are brave and bold enough to let in?

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it.

Because it is only when I am suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that I force my wings to unravel and alas begin my flight.

And as I fly, I still may not know where I’m going. But the miracle is in the unfolding of my wings.

I may not know where I’m going, but I know that so long as I spread my wings, the winds will carry me.”  ― C. JoyBell C.

Love, light & laughter

Catherine (Cat) Farrar




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